


Anchor

by hisunfinishedmelody



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-26 19:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/969185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisunfinishedmelody/pseuds/hisunfinishedmelody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones has always been in love with Jim, but he's been afraid of that word, of allowing someone that close, but after Jim dismisses Bones in front of Spock, the emotions, every feeling that ran through him while he waited for Jim's heart rate to beat back on the monitor come exploding to the surface. Leaving them both wondering just how long they've been together in a romantic sort of sense because it's certainly been far longer than this moment. and they both want it to last far beyond this moment as well. </p>
<p>Rated M for future Sexy times. I wanted to write a novel about McKirk, so I wrote a novel about McKirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

“Bones” was nothing she had called him. It was Jim's name for him and he's never minded Jim using it even though it had come from their first meeting. They both were at their lowest point then, Jim wearing his own blood on his shirt and Bones mostly drunk and entirely angry, more willing to put himself on the very thing he feared most than staying on Earth and dealing with the mess he's made of things, wanting instead to put as much distance between himself and his problems as possible. 

Over time spent rooming with him during their time at the academy, he found there was something more than just endearing about the little shit he soon began to refer to as his best friend. Even if he had complete disregard for anything that even remotely resembled a rule or authority, even if unconventional plans of action whenever faced with destruction and calamity were Jim's one and only forte, Bones felt himself falling for the man in a way that he slowly began to realize felt absolutely nothing like the way he had felt for her. He married too early, too young, he hadn't waited for the spark, the one he seemed to have with Jim. This was terrifying to Bones because he had not ever expected to let anyone that close again, let alone closer and... let alone a man, a man who was his best friend.

It had been this fear that won out, that had Bones biting his tongue and choking back words with bourbon (Particularly three of them, a very specific phrase, three words, three syllables, an easy roll off a southern tongue) that he had wanted, many times, to say. It was the fear of losing someone that he had let get this close with words he was sure would make Jim run away.

After all, who could love someone that even the word “shattered” could hardly define? 

It was because Bones loved Jim that he refused to stick him between a rock and a hard place by voicing the feelings he knew Jim couldn't and shouldn't return. Bones had been the one person who always came through unrequited feelings. Bones was Jim's anchor as his best friend. Bones could only be his burden as his partner, or lover, whatever damnable word one uses these sorts of things. 'Boyfriend' felt too young and immature a word, not that Bones was admitting to thinking about it...

Then Jim's mortality... Bones' mortality was brought to the surface. Jim's more so. Jim had been dead on his table and didn't he look so young there? Didn't he look too peaceful, too serene, so innocent, just like he did when he was sleeping off an alcohol infused parade of antics from the night before? That first conversation had come to mind... because once again, all Leonard Horatio McCoy had left was his bones, because the one person besides a daughter he can't see, his Jim was gone, taken from him by force. 

It should have been that moment alone, seeing the only thing he had to live for that he was allowed contact with, lying lifeless on his operating table, that spurred him into finally speaking his feelings for Jim. When his heart began to beat again on the monitor, it was a more beautiful sound that any song, any instrument could ever produce to Bones. His breathing was a song, one that compromised him for a moment. He couldn't react, couldn't go and obsessively check his vitals like he would be for the next two weeks. For a moment, all he could do was cry, tears leaking down his face in a way they never had; not during the divorce, not even learning that he was going to rarely see his daughter (though granted, when whispering in her ear that her daddy loved her very much, a few stray tears did escape him). Instead they cascaded from his eyes in tiny waterfalls of relief. Jim was okay. Jim was alive. 

Bones wasn't going to be alone. Not yet. 

Though it should have been that moment that made that damned three word sentence escape his lips, it isn't that moment. 

The moment that makes him want to say it, to give life to the words finally is the moment when Jim dismisses him when Spock, that pointy eared bastard enters the room and Jim hands all the credit of saving his life to him, as if Bones hadn't a single thing to do with it. As if Bones hadn't been the one to actually discover that there was a way to restore Jim's life in the first place.

Hell, if Spock had it his way, Khan would have been bled dry before Bones had gotten even a singular drop of blood from him. Which, granted, Bones would have paid money for the chance to waste the fucker himself after what Khan had done, the sacrifice he had forced Jim to make.. 

Regardless, it was Bones and his blasted tribble who put life back into Jim. Not that green blooded, bowl cut hob goblin. Bones had the idea to inject the tribble with Khan's blood and Bones is the one who brought Jim back to life in the same way. 

Though, one could argue that Bones had been given just as much opportunity to claim all credit, but southern gentlemen pride themselves on being much more humble and just wait a cotton picking minute, why should this be on him? How dare Jim dismiss him like that? After all they had been through? Sure, the rest had cried, the rest felt the loss and grieved appropriately but there was only one person on that blasted vessel that had the look of someone who had lost not only everything but their purpose to live. 

And that person was?

Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy

Jim called him “Bones”.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones goes off on Jim, feelings are discussed, kissing might happen

Bones waits until Spock leaves to have his mental breakdown. The last thing he needs is that bastard to just stand there with the ability to be void of emotion while Bones exhibits at the very least, twenty of them at one time. He can't help that he's seen red with Jim's dismissal of him and quite possibly a bit of the green characteristic of the monster referred to as Jealousy when Jim is practically fawning over Spock as if Bones isn't even present in the room. 

Bones rounds on him and it isn't fair because Jim has no opportunity to escape the tongue lashing he's about to receive but Bones is too upset to care. “If he had it his way, Spock would have bled Khan drier than the Dust Bowl before my needle ever saw a drop of his blood.” He snarls and hurt is written so hard into his features that Jim fears it might take up permanent residence there. “How dare you dismiss me like I didn't have a single hand in you being here, alive again! Sure, that pointy bastard caught Khan but I discovered his blood had regenerative properties. I saved you!” He's too angry, too hurt, too betrayed to reign in his country accent as it twangs viciously against his words. “I spent two weeks checking your vitals every hour, taking care of you, pretending you had.. had.. had just gone out drinking again and were just in an alcohol induced stupor and not a fucking coma! I did it. I did all of that...” 

His voice trails off when Jim raises his hand to quiet him. “Bones! Bones!” He interjects, he's been on the receiving end of Bones' anger before sure, but nothing like this. “Is this how you welcome me back to the land of the living?” 

“Is this how you thank me for keeping you in it?!” Bones snaps back, but it wasn't the pained tone that silences Jim. It's the tears turning Bones' brown eyes shimmery. He hasn't ever seen bones cry, not ever, not once. Bones was his stoic, grumpy rock of a best friend who could weather any storm. 

Except a storm caused by Jim all but telling him he didn't matter with his silence when Spock had visited. There was only one thing that could hurt Bones, Jim realized, and that one thing was also the only thing besides his daughter that he had tethered himself to. 

That thing was a person. 

That person was Jim. 

Bones takes a deep breath and crosses his arms but instead of typical Bones fashion, for all the world it looks like he's trying to hold himself together. He drops the brown eyes from Jim's face to the floor. “I can get you another doctor, I should go.. I should...” He starts to speak nearly too quickly for Jim to understand. 

“No, damn it, you're my doctor,” Jim scrambles to stop him from leaving, sitting up too quickly, making himself dizzy as he grabs a hold of Bones' sleeve, trigger the doctor in Bones. “Don't leave. Please don't go, Bones.” 

Bones turned and gently pressed Jim back on the bed wiping at his eyes. “Jim, shh, lay back,” He encourages, even doctor tone back. “I'm not going to leave, Captain.”

Jim allows himself to be pressed back against the pillows, his hand sliding from Bones' sleeve to his hand. “Don't call me that. I'm Jim, I've always been Jim to you.” Jim says, closing his eyes tight, realizing just how bad he's messed everything up this time. “Come here. Come here, please.” 

Bones picks up one of his scanners, waving it over his head to make sure he hadn't managed to throw any of his vitals off. “I am here,” His voice is flat, dead, even lacking it's usual grumpiness. Bones is well versed in being stubborn as hell, he has it down to an art but this isn't fueled by stubbornness. This is broken and defeated. 

“You knew what I meant,” Jim says as he tries to scoot over on the biobed. “Come here.” 

Bones' nimble hands try to still him. “You're gonna tear out your IVs,” he chastises, doctor mask properly back on to disguise the hurt Jim knew was still there. 

“Then you can put them all back in,” Jim says with a slight smile. “Don't tell me it wouldn't please you to Jam a few needles in me right now.” 

A smile tries to play onto Bones' face and he shrugs. “It's possible,” He says as he moves to join Jim on the bed. Jim presses as close as he can get to Bones without being in his lap. Bones is always so warm and Jim recalls embraces that were meant to be brief prolonged simply because Jim hadn't been ready to escape the warmth and feeling of safety that Bones' strong arms provided. “I swear, the T in your name is for 'Testing Leonard McCoy's goddamn patience.” Bones' grouches as he slides an arm around Jim's shoulders.

Jim turns on his side, wraps an arm around Bones' waist and chuckles softly. “Tiberius, actually, but you were definitely close.” He says with a shake of his head. “How long have you been sitting on that one?” 

“Saving it for the proper moment,” Bones counters and Jim starts to feel his muscles lose the rigid tension beneath his fingertips. 

“A true romantic you are.” Jim says, glad they can still banter like this, it meant Bones didn't hate him after all. As fingers start to work their way softly through Jim's hair, he sighed softly. “I'm sorry.” 

Jim rarely apologizes for anything and until now, Bones swore the words didn't exist in his vocabulary. Bones also isn't sure if 'romantic' was a poor or an exceptional choice of word right now as he tucks Jim protectively against his side. “Hush,” He whispers but his tone has changed to soothing. “I overreacted. I just...” He allows his voice to trail off to his normal grumblings but Jim catches 'damnably attractive logistical bastard' and can't help but burst into a fit of laughter. 

“You think.. you think I have the hots for Spock?” He gasps out between giggles and even through the sheen of tears of glee gathering in his eyes, he can see Bones' cheeks turn a lovely shade of crimson. After he regain enough composure, he notices that the line between Bones' knit eyebrows looks as if it may just etch itself into his brain, it takes all of what little resolve he has left not to start giggling all over again. 

He sits up straight and clasps his hand on Bones' thigh, gaining a jump out of the other. “Leonard Horatio McCoy, if you think I've had eyes for any other male anything since I met you, you have it very wrong,” He attempts to say firmly but the smile is still ever present on his face and it touches his voice. “Spock is no exception, you ridiculous southern pain in my ass.” 

Bones gapes down at him and Jim is pretty certain that this is the only time he's ever seen him speechless. He always had some metaphor prepared to shoot at Jim no matter the situation. Jim's joked more than once that Bones had them stockpiled. “You.. You have eyes for me?” He finally stammers out disbelievingly. 

Jim rolls his eyes in a way that Bones swear he's been practicing from mirroring the doctor himself. “Do you even own a mirror, Bones? Have you ever really looked at yourself? Of course I have eyes for you.” He slowly slides his fingers against Bones' own. “I always have. I was never very certain how to voice that because I was never sure if you had them for me as well. You can be hard to read when you want to be, Bones. Even to me.” 

Bones stares incredulously at Jim's hand against his own before he adjusts it, weaving his fingers with Jim's own. “I can be hard to read when I fear the reaction of being read.” He corrects quietly. “Your nightly renegades, different women every week, it didn't exactly hint to me that I was on your radar as anything beyond friend material, darlin'.” 

Jim had heard Bones say 'darling' before, mostly to his young, female or frightened patients but something about the way it doesn't fall but rather pours like honey from Bones' lips as he directs it at Jim does something to him and for a moment all his sense, common or otherwise is shot straight to hell. It feels like ages before he can find his voice again. “You're definitely more than that, Bones,” He says as he sits up. “You're still on my 'to bang' bucketlist.”

Jim can see the corner of Bones' lips twitch up just slightly as he struggles to keep his composure. He drops his eyes to his lap because he's certain that if he keeps looking at Jim's stupidly adorable face, head cocked slightly to the side mimicking a puppy more than ever, he's going to lose that. “I was truly worried I hadn't made the cut.” 

Jim pats their entwined hands with his free one. “Yea, you've got the second slot.” He says with mock reassurance. 

One of Bones' eyebrows arches high and Jim wonders if every actions his face can take has always been this beautiful or if Bones may have gone overboard on his sedatives. “And who, dare I ask, is number one, hm?” He asked, though, it's delivered as if he does not really want to know the answer. 

“A pointy eared bastard,” Jim answers facetiously and when Bones' tries to pull away, he lets out a whine. “Don't be such a spoilsport, you're number one,” when bones settles against him, a smug almost smile appearing on his face, Jim says, “Spock is number two.” 

This time it takes all of Jim's weak effort to keep Bones in the bed and he laughs hard enough to trigger a wheezing fit and Bones considers aloud sedating him. “I'll be good!” Jim exclaims when he regains his breath. “I just couldn't help myself, jealousy is kind of adorable on you, Bonesy.” 

“Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor. Doctors are not adorable.” Bones grouches at him, cheeks flushed from embarrassment, but he allows Jim to drag their fingers back together reluctantly. 

“I beg to differ,” Jim says, glee still not yet faded from his face, even though his tone has become calmer. “My doctor is pretty damn cute.” 

“Is Spock claiming to be your doctor now too?” Bones retorts. The underlying hurt picks up on in his voice, the self consciousness written into features makes Jim wish he hadn't ever teased him at all. 

Jim often forgets that the only reason Bones is here is because of a divorce that ended rather viciously, making it hard for Bones to be this open about really anything without feeling painfully vulnerable. Jim's method of dealing with situations like this, ones that left him vulnerable as well had always been humor, comic relief and right now Bones didn't need to be picked on. What he did need was reassurance that he could love and be loved without it having to hurt. “Bones,” He whispers gently. “Look at me.” 

It seems to take ages before chocolate eyes finally reconnect with azure blue ones. The hurt that resides there shakes Jim to his core and he wonders if he can slip a pet name to Bones and have it be reassuring rather than emasculating. “Can I call you baby?” He whispers hesitantly. His thumb stroked over the top of Bones' hand as he awaits an answer. 

Bones' cheeks threatened to remain permanently blushed, but he nodded. “Yeah... Yes, yes you can call me that if you want.” He stammers out after a moment. 

Jim's other hand reached up to brush knuckles over a crimson cheek. “You know dying really puts everything in a new perspective for you,” He says, dropping his eyes to his own trembling hand, quickly ensnared in Bones' own. “You realize all the things you've put off, assuming you'd have time, assuming you'd grow old. In those final moments, all the words you've left unsaid race through your mind, all the people you've taken for granted and all the missed opportunities; the chances to tell them, to remind them how important they are to you that you passed up. Dying, it both happens too quickly and drags on impossibly long. You have just enough time to figure out who you would have wanted to grow old with had you been given the chance,” He finally brings shimmering blue eyes to already leaking brown ones. “And that person, for me, was you Leonard McCoy.” 

It is taking everything Bones has not to breakdown right there. That was more heartfelt than any 'I love you' than Bones has ever heard. When he attempts to speak, all that escapes him is a broken whimper of “Jim,” before he's completely lost the paper thin hold he had on his composure, a sob ripping out of him, a noise he didn't even recognize. 

Jim can just barely hold himself together. If there was any doubt that his feelings were unrequited this reaction from the other man eliminated them all from Jim's mind. Bones would have been lost without Jim. “Hey, Bones, shh,” He hushed soothingly, dragging Bones into his arms as best he can in the position they're in. “Bones, baby, it's okay. I'm okay. I'm so sorry for leaving you.” 

“Y-you didn't say g-goodbye,” Bones stammers out between painful sobs that rocked them both, making Jim just cling to him tighter. “You didn't say goodbye to me, you forgot to wait for me. I'm the.. I'm the old one, I'm supposed to go first. I could handle you finding someone else, starting a family with them and not me, but don't you dare do that to me again. Don't you dare go before me, Jim. I have only learned how to live with you, not without you.” 

Jim smiles slightly, blinking back the tears in his own eyes as he recalled how it hadn't exactly been easy for Bones, always serious Bones to learn to live with him. He remembered nights he'd come back to the dorm they shared piss drunk and bloodied from another bar fight, waking Bones as he stumbled into the room, Bones letting loose a string of swear words as his steady hands patched him up every time. Eventually a time came, somewhere around the beginning of their third year, Jim had stopped going out at all if he wasn't accompanied by Bones. Neither of them truly noticed but for all intents and purposes, they were dating. Eating all of their meals together, going everywhere in the company of one another and becoming completely attached at the hip. Jim is mentally haranguing himself for not having seen this before. 

“Alright, baby,” He finally answers, fingers brushing away stray tears from Bones' cheeks. “I won't. We're going to go together, Bones. I'll never leave you again.” 

“Better not,” Bones tries to grump at him but his sob wracked voice prohibits that from happening. The pink tint to his skin makes the rings beneath his eyes from countless self voluntary double shifts coupled with sleepless nights seem ever darker. Jim feels awful for having made him feel like his efforts weren't important when it was clear that the other had run himself into the ground caring for him. 

“Bones,” He says gently, fingers chasing the remainder of the tears away from his doctor's cheeks. “I may have to kiss you now.”

Bones worries his bottom lip with his teeth until Jim pries it away from further torment with his thumb. “I may.. I may be horrifyingly out of practice.” He stammers back, nervous in a way that Jim doesn't know him to be. 

“Which is why I'm taking the lead,” Jim whispers fingers sliding to cup his cheek as he finally eliminated the distance between their lips, stealing any protest from Bones' lips. Jim hardly thought that southern sweetheart Bones could be bad at kissing. 

He wasn't disappointed either. Jim's theories were more than correct as Bones returned his kiss, tentatively at first and then with more passion as he learned his way around Jim's mouth, tongue lightly tracing Jim's bottom lip, requesting entrance which Jim gladly granted him. Bones' tongue coaxed his into a gentle waltz and Jim realized after a moment that Bones was leading and Jim was following. His lips turned up in a smile, which had Bones pulling back. 

“What's got you cheesing?” Bones asked tracing Jim's kiss swollen bottom lip. 

“Horrifyingly out of practice my ass, Bones,” Jim scoffed but his eyes were still full of light. “You're a seasoned pro at that, who's been stealing kisses from Doctor McCoy when I'm not looking, hm?” 

Bones chuckled slightly and it didn't carry the air of his usual grumpiness. It was genuine without being bitter as he traced Jim's fingers. “No one, Jim,” Bones said sincerely. “I've been loyal to you ever since I first laid eyes on that pretty blood stained face you owned.” 

Jim's eyes widened. How hadn't they made this official? There was never a point where it violated any protocols. And for as long as Jim can remember, Bones has been his anchor, the one person, the one thing that could bring him down to earth when he needed it. Jim chalked it up to stubborn bull headed personalities on both their parts. “You thought I was pretty?” He asked. 

“Think,” Bones corrected with a soft kiss to his temple. “I think that you're pretty, among other things, handsome, smart, sweet when you want to be and above all, a pain in my ass.” 

Jim couldn't prevent a chuckle as he shoved Bones' shoulder lightly. “Damn it, Bones,” He exclaimed with false irritation. “We were about to have a romance novel moment and then you were going to take your 'pulsing heat' and explore my 'pleasure cave'.”

It took all of Bones' willpower not to burst into a fit of laughter at that. “I apologize.” He said mock sincerely. “I'm not exploring your 'pleasure cave' until you're back to shape and you're calling yourself mine any time a pretty thing like yourself bats their eyelashes at you.” 

“And if I decided to start doing that as of today?” Jim asked. 

Bones took Jim's face in his hands lightly tracing his cheeks with his thumbs. “You're on a ton of medications right now, Jim, even if you weren't, I'd want you to really think on it.” He whispers pressing a soothing kiss against Jim's cheek. “If you decide that you are mine, I'm never letting you go.” 

Jim takes one of Bones' steady hands in his own, turning it to press a kiss into his palm. “You say that like it's a terrible thing.” Jim said tracing lines in Bones' hand with his index finger. “'Fraid you won't be able to sate a pretty young thing like myself?” 

Bones frowned and rolled his eyes at Jim. “And I'm the murderer of romance,” He grouched. “Keep it up and I'll sedate you before the rest of the crew comes to visit.” He leaned close, lips hovering just above his ear as Bones spoke at a dark whisper that sent shivers down his spine. “I'll have you know that I can more than sate you, I can tucker you out, boy.” 

There was something like smugness to Bones' face as he pulled away clearly catching the shiver that Jim had just barely attempted to conceal. He moved from the bed, pulling the blanket up around him. “Think on it, darlin'. I'm not going anywhere no matter the outcome,” he promised. “You do have visitors though and I do have other patients. I'll be back. I lo- be good while I'm gone.” 

As Bones turned and exited the room, the gears began to turn in Jim's heavily medicated head. He knew exactly what Bones had meant to say and the scariest part about this information? 

Jim would've returned it.


End file.
